This week we will be discussion Diana: Her True Story In Her Own Words by Andrew Morton, Chapter 1-4.
Trigger Warning!!! This book contains disordered eating, spousal abuse, emotional abuse, divorce, attempted suicide, death, and self harm.
Discussion:
Jacilyn: Hello readers and welcome to our second discussion of Diana: Her True Story in Her Own Words. This week we are covering chapters 1-4, where author Andrew Morton begins to tell Diana’s story in what seems so far to be a fairly chronological method.
As was common (and sometimes still is), Diana’s mother was blamed for not producing a healthy male heir before her last child, even though the sex of a fetus is determined by the sperm. When Diana was born, her mother had just given birth to a sickly baby boy 18 months prior, and there seemed to have been disappointment at her not being born a male. Morton says “For Diana’s mother, fiercely proud, combative and tough-minded, it was a humiliating and unjust experience,” and I can’t imagine going through the trauma of losing a child in that way and being simultaneously blamed for it. The description of Di’s mother reminds me of Diana herself, in a way, and she also bore the weight of her brother’s death. It seems like Diana was very aware of the fact that her parents had hoped she’d have been born a male from a young age, and of course that’s going to traumatize someone.
Michaela: Luckily she did end up having a younger brother as the last child born. But I can not imagine how that affected Diana’s relationship with her father especially. I’m sure those thoughts, emotional responsibilities, and guilt that plagued Diana for a very long time even though she did have a brother. Then since she already had a sister who was the smart one and the other was a ‘star of the show’ kind of type, Diana kind of ended up being the typical, somewhat forgotten middle child of four. Then everything with her parents divorce and how all of that was handled (not well at all). Then after that a secret marriage between her father and some woman the children didn’t know. A rough childhood for sure.
At least school wasn’t the worst thing for her. She did an incredible amount of sports and activities. And the fact that she collected small animals is the most adorable thing and truly fits into what we know about her as an adult as well. She clearly has a deep motherly instinct.
Jacilyn: I thought it was really interesting that Diana never really thought that she fit in, when most people felt like she did. But once she becomes engaged to Charles and spends more time in the spotlight, someone who knew Diana prior to the engagement noted that this distance that was previously overlooked was becoming more obvious. “She had a distance to her….she has always been seen as a typical Sloane Ranger. But that’s not true. She was always removed…...That quality has now developed into a tremendous presence.”
I also find the contrast between Diana’s privileged upbringing and her “normal,” relatable personality fascinating. It seems that, despite their parents’ flaws, the Spencer kids were all raised to treat everyone with respect and dignity, which certainly influenced her popularity. It seems like the media coverage of Diana was hot and cold, sometimes fawning and other times scathing, but her popularity amongst the people seems to be consistent. I was only two when Diana died, so my impressions on her and her life come primarily from You’re Wrong About and this book, but it seems to me that she did have a motherly instinct that came from a place of sincere compassion, not superiority or condescension. It’s really no wonder she was so remarkably loved and admired.
Michaela: I think part of why Diana’s involvement with everyone is misconstrued so much is because many people take participation as being engaged or involved which is not always the case. We can constantly do things we need to do or want to do and then do it well but it’s only surface level. I think that’s how Diana went about a lot in childhood because it was a way of protecting herself. She did it later in life as well.
Her “normalness” and the whole People’s Princess image is so fascinating to me. She didn’t grow up “normal”, she was still part of the royal world. She would go to the royal family Christmas things and do stuff with them like watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (which Diana hated but is one of my favorite childhood movies lol) every year or just playing with the younger royal children. She grew up in what I perceive to be a mansion or estate. Then for her birthday her parents gifted her a £50,000 flat in London.
None of that is “normal” but her whole personality and what she likes to spend her time doing is undoubtedly on the same level as the general public. She even said that her perfect evening would be at home, eating beans on toast, and watching television. That is the most un-royal thing I can imagine. The more I learn about her the more I understand the People’s Princess image and why everyone loved her. I am finding that I love her too and for all those same reasons. She wasn’t high above everyone, though she felt a detachment from people, it wasn’t that she felt better than them just separate and that is most likely from a lifetime of traumatic experiences.
Then her insistence that her children attend school and go to eat at McDonald’s is just beautiful to me. They are royal but that doesn’t mean they can’t be children anymore. I think that has been the approach for hundreds of years with royals all over the world. Royal children are expected to behave like tiny adults who are ‘chosen by God to rule’. Let the royals live a genuine fulfilling life!
Jacilyn: I am also finding her incredibly endearing, and I totally see why she was seen as the “People’s Princess.” I love that she insisted that William and Harry were raised as normally as possible. I think that’s one area where Diana and Charles actually agreed - both had childhoods that were distant, cold, and lacking physical and emotional affection, and neither of them wanted their children to grow up that way. In spite of Charles’ reaction upon seeing that Harry was born a male (“Oh God, it’s a boy, and he’s even got red hair”), and the fact that he spent the next day playing polo of all things, it seems like Charles was as good a father as he possibly could be. I only wish he had been a better husband as well.
The red flags at the beginning of their courtship and throughout the engagement were flapping mighty aggressively. Charles responding to Diana telling him she loved him after the engagement - “Whatever love is.” His clear feelings for Camilla. His inability to give Diana the support and comfort she needed. To be honest, their entire relationship sounds like a nightmare to me. I think that, if I had been in Diana’s shoes, I wouldn’t have had nearly the amount of strength she did. It gives me great satisfaction that she started growing into her own in spite of the way she was treated by the media and the Royal family. Her determination to attend Princess Grace’s funeral to pay her respects and her refusal to take no for an answer was incredibly brave.
Michaela: Charles’ reaction to Harry’s sex is just ridiculous. Love your child for existing, not what their genitals end up being. No time for any of that nonsense. So rude and disrespectful to Diana and his own child. I’m sure his feelings about Harry being a boy carried on for a while in his childhood. A little bit of a repeat of Diana’s childhood there. However despite that it does sound like Charles was actually very involved in those first years for both of the boys, I’m unsure if he remains that involved as they get older but we’ll find out as we continue to read.
I would have 100% combusted under all the pressure of Diana’s position and of the relationship between Charles and Camilla would have absolutely destroyed me. Diana was so much stronger than I would ever have been. There were so many instances where Diana actually found physical proof of the affair as well as hearing phone calls. Camilla’s pictures in Charles’ date book, the cufflinks with intertwined C’s, the overheard phone calls. Like the list goes on and on.
But through all that she had to deal with with the media, her husband, and her position she still did it as gracefully as she could and did such beautiful work. It seems that her marriage did have a happy time for a little while but of course it didn’t last. Everyone we’ve heard about so far in this book has talked about how sorry they felt for her and that many many people were lying right to her face about the affair. I can’t even imagine, it blows my mind all that she went through. It would be enough for anyone let alone all of it happening behind the scenes and having to pretend everything is fine in front of the media.
Charles’ “whatever love is” comment will forever haunt me. I can’t describe the weird icky feeling that gives me. And he even said it two times, once to Diana at their PROPOSAL and again in front of the media. Sir, no. Speaking of “Sir”.....I realize they’re royals or whatever but literally his fiance and all his friends called him Sir…..gross, I can’t get over it. If that doesn’t show his mentality about how important he thinks he is then I don’t know what does.
Jacilyn: Morton says he believes that Diana’s bulimia is partially an attempt at having some sort of control over her life, and in my own experiences with self-harm, I wouldn’t be surprised if Diana’s self-harm was an aspect of that lack of control as well. I thought that his emphasis on the fact that Diana didn’t actually want to die, she was simply crying for help, was somewhat odd. It honestly felt like the stigma against suicide really impacted the way that he wrote that section - he didn’t want that “stain” to be placed on Diana. But honestly, no matter what Diana’s intentions and motivations were, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the fact that she was under incredible pressure that prompted her to feel like she had to do those things. To me, I felt that the way Morton presented this information almost minimized Diana’s experiences, and that made me uncomfortable.
Michaela: I wonder how much Morton’s writing style of Diana’s self harm and suicide attempts was influenced by the original time period in which the book was written. Education on suicide and self-harm has been incredibly slow and inaccurate for a very long time. I would say that only within the last decade or so has it been relatively destigmatized along with depression, anxiety disorders, and other mental health disorders. What Diana was going through probably needed to be approached “delicately” for the time period, which is how I feel Morton was approaching it. I think it’s possible that he wrote it this way to protect Diana from being seen negatively because of it. By him saying “she was crying out for help”, it then puts the responsibility on Charles and the family in the eyes of the public rather than on Diana whereas in the 90s if Morton hadn’t done that I can see all the “stain” or blame falling on Diana “for her own problems” or “for attention”. Whether or not Morton does see it as a cry for help in that way rather than suicide attempts we don’t know but it is plausible that it was a way of protecting Diana rather than minimizing what she went through.
However, his writing with this subject does still make me uncomfortable because he is minimizing all of it. Also we have to remember that Diana was involved in this book and perhaps she wanted it written from that perspective as well. We will probably never really know the answer to any of that. No matter if it was a “cry for help” as Morton puts it, it does not mean that her experiences were invalid or unimportant. Everyone deserves help and attention and she was not getting that. She was consistently sent to doctors chosen by the royal family who only ever wanted to give her medication or analyze her dreams rather than give her therapy and ways to cope and heal herself.
We will undoubtedly learn more about all of this as we continue to read so we will keep this conversation going next time everyone. Let us know what you thought about this second section of the book and how you feel about Morton’s writing!
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